“I think I was a disappointment to my mother,” Diane says, her voice even and frank with the admission. “I was not the kind of daughter she would have wanted. I think what she really wanted was a best friend, and I was never going to be that.” She laughs wryly. “We had a difficult relationship, and it took a lot of work.
“You know, I was more like an ‘other’ to my mother. I took after my father. I had red hair. I talked back. It’s not what she expected—it’s definitely not what she wished for. I thought about things differently, too, and that was hard for her. “
We are walking around downtown Alexandria, the sun setting slowly on a cool spring day. Diane leads the way as we wander. “Tell us more about her, who she was,” we ask.
“There’s so much to say. She used to love coming to this coffeeshop. It was her favourite place.” She waves at the coffeeshop we have paused outside of. “I think if she could have done or been anything she wanted, maybe she would have gone into the arts. I don’t think she ever really knew herself well. Perhaps that was part of the difficulty that lay between us; she was never sure who she was or what she really wanted. That makes it hard to satisfy someone, or for them to find satisfaction. She was always looking.”
“She was an excellent seamstress and she knit, too. I don’t sew, but I did pick up knitting from her, at least. But I remember; my father, he used to travel a lot. When he was away, we would all have dinners together and it would be such fun, so silly, really. Mother would laugh and joke and share these silly limericks and rhymes, and we would all laugh so much. Then my father would come back for a trip and we would still have dinner together, but mother would become silent and serious. I think she felt keenly oppressed as a woman. She left him eventually, although they never actually divorced.”
We begin to wander again as the chill sets in on us. “I know she loved the idea of travel. She wanted to go so many places and experience everything. In another life, maybe she would have been an artist in Paris or Italy.”
“What about now, how do you relate to her?
“Well, my mother is passed. I brought her back here to be with me, and I’m glad I did. I live in her condo now, and even though she’s gone, it’s not murky. We worked through things, we came to more of an understanding of each other, or at least, more of a peace. I think it would be disturbing to live in the house of someone you had not worked things through with; haunted, perhaps. But it is interesting, to be in her space now. I haven’t changed it much or made it my own yet; I think a lot about who she was and how she fit this space, what it says about her.
“And I think, perhaps some of her story has propelled me in my own life choices. Or even some of her humour that would come out when my father was gone—I enjoy dabbling a bit in the arts myself through drama. Practicing law in the courtroom, you have to know how to put on a bit of a show, or be able to respond quickly to things that happen. I do improv and love that, and one of my hobbies is playing extras in TV shows. I even did a few roles with House of Cards,” she adds, laughing lightly.
“I am very passionate about women’s rights, and about utilizing the freedoms that we as women have now, many of which my mother did not have as options open to her. I volunteer and advocate for human rights, and I went and pursued a path as a lawyer because I wanted to be able to do things, and I could actually do them.”
“My own daughter and I, we work hard for our relationship. I like to think I learned a bit from the difficulties between my mother and I, and I work to apply those lessons in my relationships now. It was hard to argue with Mother; hard to share love even from opposite sides. My daughter and I, we can have our difficulties and disagreements, but the love is always present, and we know we will always be there for one another and will not allow our differences to separate us. I’m very grateful for that.
Guest Writer: Heather Hill
Heather Hill is the Assistant Manager of donor acquisition & digital fundraising at The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. She is a graduate of Houghton College, and Vermont College of Fine Arts. She is the Human Rights Co-Chair of the United Nations Association of the National Capitol Area, and you can find her performance reviews on MD Theatre Guide.