31 Stories of March. Story Eleven

“I am very passionate about women’s rights, and about utilizing the freedoms that we as women have now, many of which my mother did not have as options open to her. I volunteer and advocate for human rights, and I went and pursued a path as a lawyer because I wanted to be able to do things, and I could actually do them.”

“My own daughter and I, we work hard for our relationship. I like to think I learned a bit from the difficulties between my mother and I, and I work to apply those lessons in my relationships now. It was hard to argue with Mother; hard to share love even from opposite sides. My daughter and I, we can have our difficulties and disagreements, but the love is always present, and we know we will always be there for one another and will not allow our differences to separate us. I’m very grateful for that.

31 Stories of March. Story Ten

I love being a mother. It's the best thing in the world. I don't think there's anything I don't like about being a mom. I’ve been working with kids for 20 years. Even when I was a kid, I loved kids. I do have some parents at school that I wonder if they weren’t meant for kids. The kids come at 6:30, leave 6:30. Its too long. I have three year olds who are there all day long. They go home, eat, go to sleep. That’s why I don’t like my kids to be at school, but they say they'd rather be with me.

31 Stories of March. Story Nine

She does! It’s amazing to see her now, knowing from where she started. She didn’t speak any English when she came to this country. We started with Spanish at the home. Now we all speak English, although we always spoke both. She’s always continued to grow – she’s never stopped. The thing about our family that is unique is; for us, literally, family is everything. It was instilled in us from my mom. For me, there’s something unique about suffering together. When you have people to go through it together, it makes it fun.

31 Stories of March. Story Eight

The reason I wanted to talk about this is that I feel like it's not talked about a lot. People say, “Oh my gosh, your husband is gone, I feel so bad for him, he's doing so much,” but what about me? I don't know, I didn't realize how hard it could be. Morning to night, morning to night, me doing everything. If the house is messy, it wouldn't be clean until i cleaned it. The laundry, if I didn't fold it, it was a mess. Sometimes we would go a week without folding the laundry, and I sometimes I had to do nine loads of laundry in one day.

31 Stories of March. Story Seven

How do you think being a mother has changed your views of motherhood?

I think I have a lot more grace for my mom. I was really hard on her. Almost every woman will say this - I think I held her responsible for some of the emotionally difficult issues in my household. But I failed to see all the incredible things that she had done for me. All the issues of a typical overindulged middle class child. I didn’t appreciate how much I had. Until you have to provide it. My mom she worked full time. Just recognizing how much she’s done for me, as far as providing and giving me access to opportunity. I don't know that I’ll do as well with my own daughter, but I hope so, and I’m super grateful. I’m a dreamer, and she allowed me to do that.

31 Stories of March. Story Six

I respect that she never gives up. She's one of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest. She's taught me to be stronger mentally, physically, and emotionally. She's always there. You only have one mother. She's always taught me that as well. you only have one mother. I'm constantly learning the best lessons in life from my mom. It’s mind over matter.

31 Stories of March. Story Five

I would say it’s not knowing if you're doing the right thing - every child is so different, and it’s hard to know what the best thing is. Since I'm not married, him missing his father, not having that father figure, sometimes is very difficult, trying to do both roles - it can be very challenging. I’m always trying to make sure he's not missing anything from not being in a two person household. One of my biggest goals is making sure he has a childhood. Another one is making sure that my son has what he needs to be a successful adult. Social skills, manners, education. Those are things that I value.

I’d like to shield him from having to take on adult responsibilities too soon, or be aware of issues adults face. I think that’s something my mom really did a good job with. As a child you're kind of naive to what's really out there. Now as an adult, that's good and bad, still trying to figure out how the world really is. Being completely naive to the trouble out there. He'll have his time to worry about these things. Me being a teacher, I see kids forced to take on responsibilities that they shouldn't as a child. So if it's running around all day or eating candy, or drinking juice, I want him to look back and say, ‘I enjoyed my childhood.’

31 Stories of March. Story Four

“I just really think, and have always felt, that everything about my life that has remotely been worthwhile, had so little to do with me and everything to do with this, and these people, and especially my mother. So many women went under from that experience. and she not only didn’t, but she was just fun to be around. Not to say she was a pushover - God, no, oh my word. We didn't have a chance of going wrong. They knew we were in trouble before we even thought of it. She was such a good grandmother as well.”

31 Stories of March. Story Three

“I love her because she sacrifices. She just does. I know everyone says that, but my mom, I just remember her peeling, for hours - garlic. That shit is murder on your hands. She would spend hours watching grainy Korean TV shows that she bootlegged off of someone who bootlegged it off of a Korean channel, and she would just sit there watching VCR tapes that she watched over and over - this is before Netflix, or the internet, trying to get some semblance of Korea back into her Portuguese life. Her fingers would be raw, and the house would smell horrible, and we would not appreciate it. We would complain that the house was messy and smelly from all the prep but three days later, she gives us the best kimchi we've ever had, and we go, oooohh, that makes sense. But while it’s happening you just hate it. It’s a perfect microcosm of who she is. Living with her, you’re like, this is the worst experience I've ever had, but then at the end of it you’re like, yeah i'm in college, maybe that’s why she did that… makes sense.”

31 Stories of March. Story Two

Imani has since forgiven her mother. "We were in the car one day. i was explaining to her, I got really frustrated with life. I broke down and started crying. I just expressed everything I was feeling inside. I was overwhelmed with applying to college, and tuition, and working, and it was so much going on, and i couldn't take it any more and I wished that I had the support that I needed. I said, 'why cant you be there for me, why can't you help? You have four kids, and we need you, and you just act like the world owes you everything.' She just looked at me and she said to me, 'I am so sorry, I didn't know you felt like that. I didn't mean for it to be like this for you guys.' For me to be 17, and trying to do all these things, I felt crazy, I thought I was going crazy. But she apologized for everything that she had done, and it was a really sincere apology, so I just forgave her."

31 Stories of March. Story One

“My oldest was only two months old when it all happened. I never really experienced having one child. As soon as I gave birth to my first baby, I had all three of my brothers and sisters.”

Shanie was only 18 when her mother had a nervous breakdown. With the risk of her siblings being separated into the foster care system, she got full custody of her siblings who were 16, 12, and four at the time. Her youngest sister Journey is a heart patient who needed surgery soon after this ordeal, and Shanie got everyone through it.