What is your view on motherhood?
I think people should really consider their decision to have children. Life is a big thing. For the parents, it’s going to change everything. For the kid, you’re creating someone who doesn’t exist, who has nothing to deal with, and you’re putting them in this world that is hard to get through, and they’re going to have an impact on other people. Your decision will impact innumerable people. It should be a conscious, well-considered decision. And it’s definitely not a right.
People don’t have a right to have children?
I think there are people who are more equipped than others to have children. I’m not saying, 'people don’t have a right to have kids because they’re going to be bad parents.' I’m saying nobody has the right to create or take life. Life is beyond the scope of rights. Just because we have the ability, doesn't mean we have the right to have children.
Who should be a mom?
I think the person should be strong, resilient, and gracious. Smart enough to know what’s important, and what is and isn’t in your control. Also, someone who is already fulfilled and loved as an individual. What makes for really destructive motherhood is when the mom needs her kids to make herself feel loved.
But to say that only people who would be good mothers should be mothers? How would that be regulated?
The world is over-populated, and resources are over-extended, and there are no jobs or stability, and people struggle, even in the most affluent societies. It’s not like we are at the beginning of humanity. I think it should be a more selective choice. I’m not saying that government should regulate it. It shouldn’t be someone else’s choice, whether you have a child. But the choice should be more selectively made.
Tell me about your mother.
My mom is an incredible woman. She is a physician and a surgical assist. She saves lives every day, but she says that motherhood is the most worthwhile thing that she’s ever done. Nothing in this world gives her more meaning or purpose than her children. My mom always wanted four kids, and she wanted them no matter whom she married. And when I was conceived, she knew her marriage was ending, and she desperately wanted me to be a twin. She already had a daughter, and she didn’t want her daughter to be alone. And she knew she wouldn’t marry again while that child was still a child. Her mother did the same thing. My grandmother was pregnant with her fourth child when her husband died. And she, by all accounts, was stunningly beautiful, elegant, talented, charming, and completely unique and brilliant. Even with four children, she had several offers of marriage, but she wouldn’t marry again because then she would have to serve her husband first and her children second. My mom made the same choice - that while her children were children, she wouldn’t re-marry.
Do you want to have children?
I don’t know if I want kids, or if I’m going to have them. I don’t have the burning desire to have kids, but I don’t say that I won’t because supposedly it’s the most fulfilling thing that I could ever do. When I think about motherhood, all I can think about is the exhaustion and the screaming, and everything smelling like pee, and the mess everywhere, and that's in a really good situation, with a capable mother, money, and means.
So you don’t think about the love or the relationship with that child?
I don’t think about the love, because I’m not lacking in love. If that child came into being, I would love it in a huge way that I can’t even imagine. The thing that I think about is: if I don't have children, I feel like I would have kept myself out of my complete development as a human being, because I would never have achieved this ability to love in this huge way. But it seems way too big a gamble. I’m sure when you have the kid, you couldn’t live without them, but all I can see is that they’re loud and draining. It seems too big a gamble to voluntarily give up the rest of my life, counting on -- that I’ll love it when it’s born.
You don’t like motherhood because it takes over your identity?
It’s an odd thing, because I haven’t seen people resent it changing their identity. I think you do allow it or you don’t. And I’ve never seen anyone who allowed it resenting it. Either they don’t allow it and they stay a selfish person, or they do allow it and it’s fulfilling. I find that I don't do anything in moderation, and while I have seen people be good mothers while keeping their identity, I can't see myself being successful that way. We'll see.
Roselyn Kelada-Sedra is an actress. Check out her website at http://roselyn.ca/
